I have been trying to figure out how much my Aspergers plays into my trouble at work. My problem with my boss(es) is not unusual for me. I have come across this same scenario at other jobs. It seems improbable that I have gravitated to positions that are headed up by people who take an immediate disliking to me. It seems more reasonable to me that I am setting these people off somehow.
The one thought that crosses my mind is that I am not very empathetic. My lack of ability to read body language or facial expressions makes it very hard for me to understand and reciprocate proper emotions. What this means in real life is that I tend to sift through the emotion being displayed while I am being talked to and I focus on the message being relayed. If I am being reprimanded, it is possible that my apparent lack of contrition may be offending my boss. It isn't that I don't respect the emotional stress I have placed on them, it's just that I can't appreciate it. Anyone who knows me knows that I have a high respect for authority. I will follow my boss's direction so long as I clearly understand it. A display of emotion just gets in the way of me clearly understanding the message. I tend to just ignore that part of the information because I do not know what to do with it. I think I come across as cold hearted.
This has certainly been a stress point in my marriage. My wife, understandably, needs that expression of emotion. I do express emotion. I can have empathy but the method of understanding is different to me. I don't have the benefit of body language to fill in the gaps of information for me. Even vocal tones and inflections are usually lost on me. I can recognize some things because I have had enough experience to know what they sound like, for instance, I usually know what irritation in the voice sounds like. I hear that often enough to recognize it.
I communicate through the computer much more effectively. I can even be empathetic more easily when I am being told something by written word. Communicating through IM or Email puts us all on equal ground. We are both lacking the benefit of body language in that case. Emoticons are still a scourge on the scene but I can deal with those More easily than face to face. I have actually had chats with my wife over the computer while in the very same room with her. It works better for us sometimes. Much of what I learn about emotion is learned by movies or by novels. I seem to be able to empathize with characters when the scenarios are well presented. Unfortunately, real life rarely looks like other media.
Emotions are really confusing to me. How can the very same words evict laughter at one time and sadness at another time? The delivery may even be exactly the same. There are so many aspects that come into play when it comes to knowing what emotion is appropriate at what time. I actually like emotions, I mean I like to watch them. I used to love sitting on a bench and just watch people. Emotions fascinate me. If I am not expected to reciprocate to emotions, I can find their expression quite interesting. It is the interaction with emotions that is challenging to me.
Aspies do have feelings. I do have emotions. I can be very empathetic if I really understand the situation. It takes a lot to get me to really understand though. I do think I am also gifted in being able to stick to the issue at heart and not get easily sidetracked by whim and emotions. This can be a good thing if you have the goal of understanding truth in mind. It apparently is not a useful talent though when the goal is to hear what is in the heart behind the words.
I am sure you NT's know what that means, I have no clue myself.
*NT = Neural Typical, in other words, all you normal people.
sigh...
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