I was reading a blog earlier today from a man who gives advice on love. One of his readers wrote "In this moment, if I truly loved myself, I would let go of this marriage and realize that I can’t fix him – and that The Uni-verse will take care of me if I do what’s best for myself and my children."
Now I would expect an expert on love to advise this person to go to counseling and attempt to save this marriage, or perhaps give some insight about what love looks like in this scenario. His response instead was "...When we choose to be in a relationship with someone who we do not accept, or who is unhealthy for us and we do not leave, it is not the other person’s fault, it is our own. On top of that, if we are constantly trying to fix someone else, we are looking at them with eyes of fear, not eyes of Love. The eyes of Love still see the imperfections of others, but they accept and embrace them. Love does not ask us to change, but meets us exactly where we are..."
Sadly, this blogger has no concept of what love is. Didn't we accept this person when we said "I do"? He was partially correct that the eyes of love will see the imperfections in others and still accept them, however, love does ask us to change. Love is never content with who we are but strives to become a better person. Love does not accept an abusive situation as a norm. Love does tell the abuser they must change. Here is the rub though, love tells the abuser to change for their sake, not our own. Love seeks the best for our mate. It is not loving to accept the drug abuser as they are. It is loving to tell them they must change. Love does meet them where they are but love does not let them stay there.
As I was reading this man's post I had to wonder about his readership. Who acted on his counsel and left their family? How many people could relate to some aspect of what he wrote? It is not hard to find a nugget of truth anywhere. The best lies are based on truth. His foundation for his worldview seems to be a form of Pantheism. The idea that the Uni-verse is the source of love and somehow has a will of it's own to take care of us. This sounds so much like the unknown god of ancient Greece. We recognize supernatural blessings and attribute them to anything that we can invent. Romans 1:25 "They exchanged the truth about God for a lie, and worshiped and served created things rather than the Creator—who is forever praised. Amen."
The universe is a created thing. It has no will of its own. Love does not emanate from the rocks and trees, and yet blessings still seem to flow in the lives of those who do not believe in God. In my thinking, if God wanted to draw all men to Himself He would simply withhold His blessings from all of those who do not come to Him. This would establish Him as the great provider for all the world to see. All other false religions would fall. This is not what we see happening though. For some reason the rain falls on the good and the bad. Does this mean that there must be many ways to interpret a deity since blessings are associated with them all or even without a deity at all? No. Truth is still truth.
Suppose my children denied the existence of their parents (namely me and their mother) and instead believed that their cereal bowl was the source of their daily provision. Everyday I go and fill my child's bowl because I love them and want to sustain their life in hopes that they will one day recognize me. Even though my filling their bowl only reinforces their perception that the cereal bowl has yet again supplied their need. This is what we do when we attribute God's blessings to any other source.
I can only pray that the woman in the letter finds a better way to deal with her unhappiness. She will find the universe is a big, cold, empty place. The universe can not teach you how to love. Love comes from God because God is Love. This woman's problem is that she tried to find her source of love in her spouse. People will always fail you. When we are filled with God's love then we are able to let that love overflow into our marriage and it will never grow cold because it is no longer dependant on the actions of our spouse, but on the One who will never fail us. The universe cannot supply this love, only God can. What we attribute to the "Uni-verse" is just our own concept of love which pales by comparison to the real thing. Just like the moon cannot supply heat, only the sun can. The light of the moon is only a pale reflection of the real source of light.
I truly sympathize for this woman. An unhappy marriage can be a miserable experience. It can weigh you down, shorten your life, cause real damage to you and those around you. I have seen it this bad. I depended on my wife to make me happy. We seemed hopelessly incompatable, having drifted too far apart. Our only common vision was that we both wanted to please God, well that became my vision eventually. I had to first get over myself. That seems to be an ongoing theme in my life. Every piece I lose of "me" I seem to gain back in "us". I recognize that my wife is imperfect. She will fail me in surprising ways in our lifetime, and I have no doubt that I will surprise myself in the creative ways I find to fail her. The difference now is that I love my wife as an overflowing of my love for God. She loves me the same way. Our marriage doesn't seek happiness anymore, we now seek fulfillment. Happiness is a passing phase that is nice when it's around (which is a lot) but fulfillment lasts through the hard times. We still fail each other often but we are both more likely to react by seeking forgiveness rather than blame. May this woman find even greater fulfillment in her marriage through God.
These are my observations anyways.
